Festive small talk can feel intrusive, but not every awkward question comes from a bad place

## Summary
Advertisement Voices Festive small talk can feel intrusive, but not every awkward question comes from a bad place At family gatherings, younger adults often want a degree of privacy while older relatives are looking for connection. Click here to return to FAST Tap here to return to FAST FAST Every family gathering, like clockwork, the same questions from older relatives make their rounds: " When are you getting married? " "When’s the next baby coming?" "Have you gained some weight?" At this point, it’s practically part of the menu for festive occasions such as Hari Raya, right next to the ketupat, the traditional rice cake. Ms Nabilah Awang said she has learnt to respond to personal questions with humour, keeping the mood light while gently deflecting those she would rather not answer. (Photo: CNA/Justin Tan) To me, the perspectives of both younger people and the older generation make sense, but they do not always meet in the middle. Younger people are more heavily influenced by evolving ideas of privacy and autonomy, while the older generations are shaped by longstanding practices in which questions about marriage, children and life milestones are simply part of extended family catch-ups.

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Festive small talk can feel intrusive, but not every awkward question comes from a bad place
At family gatherings, younger adults often want a degree of privacy while older relatives are looking for connection. Mother-of-two Nabilah Awang says both perspectives are valid, even if they don't always meet in the middle.
Ms Nabilah Awang with her family at home on Apr 2, 2026. (Photo: CNA/Justin Tan)
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Nabilah Awang
Nabilah Awang
03 Apr 2026 09:30PM
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Every family gathering, like clockwork, the same questions from older relatives make their rounds: "
When are you getting married?
" "When’s the next baby coming?" "Have you gained some weight?"
At this point, it’s practically part of the menu for festive occasions such as Hari Raya, right next to the ketupat, the traditional rice cake.
This year, one relative leaned in and asked: "So, any good news or not?" before giving my stomach a not-so-subtle once-over with her eyes, as if a little weight gain must surely mean something more.
I didn’t quite know what to make of it. There was a flicker of self-consciousness, sure, but mostly it felt predictable. I have gotten used to this line of questioning.
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So I did what I always do – I laughed it off and asked the relative about her work. No confrontation, no awkwardness. She wasn't offended, and I didn't have to explain myself. Win-win.
But doing this same dance every year got me thinking.
Why is it that we keep circling the same debate? Is it really harmless small talk, or does it cross a line? Should I be firmer about my boundaries, or is it easier to just let it slide?
WHEN GOOD INTENTION COMES ACROSS WRONG
The concept of "boundaries" often feels like a new-age one.
With so much conversation about them on social media, younger people today are far more aware of what it means to set boundaries and hold to them – and that is something I respect.
Related:
Commentary: The perennial problem of being single at Chinese New Year
I'm trying to be a 'gentle parent', but it's a lot tougher than I thought
But I think that same awareness can sometimes make us quick to assume the worst of intentions, where even clumsy attempts at conversation from people we don't typically spend much time with in our day-to-day lives are read as deliberate overstepping.
On the flip side, older generations often see these inquiries as harmless questions, but they may not fully realise how loaded they can feel in today’s context.
Personally, I used to get triggered when older relatives would say: "Girls, please help in the kitchen", while my male cousins got to lounge in the living room.
I voiced my disagreement many times – not always very nicely, I'll admit.
But now that I'm older and able to understand that no ill intent is meant, I handle it differently. Instead of an angry outburst, I usually reply with something that subtly draws attention to being singled out, such as: "The more I stay in the kitchen, the more rendang I'm going to eat."
It usually earns a laugh, and everyone moves on.
Ms Nabilah Awang said she has learnt to respond to personal questions with humour, keeping the mood light while gently deflecting those she would rather not answer. (Photo: CNA/Justin Tan)
To me, the perspectives of both younger people and the older generation make sense, but they do not always meet in the middle. One prioritises individual comfort while the other prioritises connection.
Both are valid, yet each can miss the other's point.
Younger people are more heavily influenced by evolving ideas of privacy and autonomy, while the older generations are shaped by longstanding practices in which questions about marriage, children and life milestones are simply part of extended family catch-ups.
This is why every year, whether it's Chinese New Year, Hari Raya or Deepavali, the same familiar questions tend to come out without fail when you're catching up with relatives you see only on these yearly occasions.
DRAWING BOUNDARIES GENTLY
This dichotomy raises a curious question: How do we respond in a way that
respects both boundaries and connection
?
To me, this is where intention matters.
If someone is asking from a place of comparison, pressure or thinly-veiled criticism, then yes, shut it down gently. You do not owe anyone access to your personal life j

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## Expert Analysis

### Merits
N/A

### Areas for Consideration
- CNA Games Guess Word Crack the word, one row at a time Buzzword Create words using the given letters Mini Sudoku Tiny puzzle, mighty brain teaser Mini Crossword Small grid, big challenge Word Search Spot as many words as you can Show More Show Less So I did what I always do – I laughed it off and asked the relative about her work.
- Related: Commentary: The perennial problem of being single at Chinese New Year I'm trying to be a 'gentle parent', but it's a lot tougher than I thought But I think that same awareness can sometimes make us quick to assume the worst of intentions, where even clumsy attempts at conversation from people we don't typically spend much time with in our day-to-day lives are read as deliberate overstepping.
- If someone is asking from a place of comparison, pressure or thinly-veiled criticism, then yes, shut it down gently.

### Implications
- Should I be firmer about my boundaries, or is it easier to just let it slide?
- On the flip side, older generations often see these inquiries as harmless questions, but they may not fully realise how loaded they can feel in today’s context.

### Expert Commentary
This article covers questions, good, family topics. Areas of concern are also raised. Readability: Flesch-Kincaid grade 0.0. Word count: 1380.